Where Am I?
Remy|19|USA queer
pastel goth
makeup artist
chronic pain
barista
student
he|him|his
message
about
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7560

A final update from me before I opt to move on. (It, amusingly, will also be my 75,600th post. A nice, even number.)

I was in the hospital for almost 3 weeks. I still have a bit of a tremor and some speech issues but they’re getting better with every passing day. My memory is a little fuzzy but I guess it’s better that way. I was diagnosed with severe PTSD. There’s a psychology principle that says you never really understand what’s happening to yourself as you get sicker, and I guess that’s true for me. I never realized how much was wrong with me. How many things I put up with. It was not good.

Telling people what happened after the fact is difficult, to say the least. How do you tell someone that you tried to kill yourself? Their reactions are hard. The indifference is hard. Some don’t make eye contact with me. Others sigh uncomfortably and remark that they’re not sure what to say. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism or my sickness made me that disliked. I don’t know which is true.

I don’t know how I wanted people to react to it, I guess. Maybe more… crying. 

It’s odd being out of school for now. I want to go back and I hope they’ll let me. But I guess it’s not up to me.

I’m happier on the medicine I suppose. 

I have a long fight ahead of me.

I don’t really want to delete this tumblr and I keep going through my dash without reblogging anything, but I know I should, considering the fact that someone has figured out my identity enough to get in contact with my MOTHER on Facebook. Scary stuff.

I don’t know.

I’m getting better. Things will improve, I hope. I just hope I can try and fix the damage my hurting caused. 

I’m sorry if I hurt you with my actions. I am sick.

For those of you I’ll refollow with my new blog… see you soon. If not, it’s nothing personal. If I was following you, it’s because I genuinely enjoyed your blog and I wish you nothing but the best. If I do refollow, I am vowing to remain as anonymous as possible with my new blog (with the exception of selfies now and then), so you may not realize it’s me.

Thanks for everything you’ve given me. (And thanks to the person who called the cops, even though I still kind of think you’re a jerk for sending messages to my mom.)

Bye guys.

-Remy

I am so sorry to all the people I hurt while I was hurting.
- (via rape-fetish)

valhallalagoon:

After 2.5 weeks in the hospital and a lot of thought, I am deleting this blog.

Someone knows who I am in real life and I don’t know them. That’s disturbing.

I’ll be remaking a different blog under a different username. If you follow me, sorry. Look for gymnastics content, photography, recovery stuff, you’ll find me.

If I know you and trust you, I’ll message you the name of it.

valhallalagoon:

After 2.5 weeks in the hospital and a lot of thought, I am deleting this blog.

Someone knows who I am in real life and I don’t know them. That’s disturbing.

I’ll be remaking a different blog under a different username. If you follow me, sorry. Look for gymnastics content, photography, recovery stuff, you’ll find me.

If I know you and trust you, I’ll message you the name of it.

valhallalagoon:

After 2.5 weeks in the hospital and a lot of thought, I am deleting this blog.

Someone knows who I am in real life and I don’t know them. That’s disturbing.

I’ll be remaking a different blog under a different username. If you follow me, sorry. Look for gymnastics content, photography, recovery stuff, you’ll find me.

If I know you and trust you, I’ll message you the name of it.

valhallalagoon:

After 2.5 weeks in the hospital and a lot of thought, I am deleting this blog.

Someone knows who I am in real life and I don’t know them. That’s disturbing.

I’ll be remaking a different blog under a different username. If you follow me, sorry. Look for gymnastics content, photography, recovery stuff, you’ll find me.

If I know you and trust you, I’ll message you the name of it.

valhallalagoon:

After 2.5 weeks in the hospital and a lot of thought, I am deleting this blog.

Someone knows who I am in real life and I don’t know them. That’s disturbing.

I’ll be remaking a different blog under a different username. If you follow me, sorry. Look for gymnastics content, photography, recovery stuff, you’ll find me.

If I know you and trust you, I’ll message you the name of it.

valhallalagoon:

After 2.5 weeks in the hospital and a lot of thought, I am deleting this blog.

Someone knows who I am in real life and I don’t know them. That’s disturbing.

I’ll be remaking a different blog under a different username. If you follow me, sorry. Look for gymnastics content, photography, recovery stuff, you’ll find me.

If I know you and trust you, I’ll message you the name of it.

After 2.5 weeks in the hospital and a lot of thought, I am deleting this blog.

Someone knows who I am in real life and I don’t know them. That’s disturbing.

I’ll be remaking a different blog under a different username. If you follow me, sorry. Look for gymnastics content, photography, recovery stuff, you’ll find me.

If I know you and trust you, I’ll message you the name of it.

I’ve been in a mental hospital for the last week and I’m about to be in another. I’m now homeless. Totally homeless.

Basically no phone/Internet access.

Fuck. Fuck whoever reported me, legit, if I figure out who you are, you’re getting the tongue lashing of your life.

message